the complete ignorant asinine things fertile people say to infertile people!!!! Its not rocket science! You just have to think before you speak. Its always the people who have more than one child that say the stupidest things. I just want to say to them walk ONE mile in my shoes, forget your beautiful full life, imagine your life without your children, then imagine going though what I have gone through. Spending the money that I have spent. Injection after injection, Negative pregnancy test after negative test. Miscarriage, heartbreak, tears, dreams squashed, need I say more? My mom always taught me if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. This lesson goes a long way if followed! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bottom line: Just be kind to each other and show some love!!!! Leave the negativity out!!!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
*My IVF history
So in my world we have signatures in our infertility forums with our IVF history to share with fellow fertility sisters. Some scare you because you see procedure after procedure with not ever getting pregnant, some show miscarriage after miscarriage, and some give you hope and inspire you. I have been through so much, 2 IUI's and 4 IVF's with only one miracle to show for, thank GOD! As I am about to start my final cycle I am reminded of my journey. This is what mine looks like.
*Nothing says its over like........
******TMI ALERT*******
Heavy bleeding, major cramping, and huge blood clots!!! So it has started, I am losing the pregnancy. I am really hoping to get some closure when this part is over. Had to go back to the doctor today for my final beta, confirming my levels are back to zero. I guess at this point I should be glad that its not an eptoic pregnancy. That would be worse. So after $320.00, I sit and wait for the phone call to confirm what I already know:( This really does suck, especially at this time of the year.
Heavy bleeding, major cramping, and huge blood clots!!! So it has started, I am losing the pregnancy. I am really hoping to get some closure when this part is over. Had to go back to the doctor today for my final beta, confirming my levels are back to zero. I guess at this point I should be glad that its not an eptoic pregnancy. That would be worse. So after $320.00, I sit and wait for the phone call to confirm what I already know:( This really does suck, especially at this time of the year.
*Miscarrying at 5 weeks, 5 days
Some people don't understand how far along you really are when going through IVF. We would have had another August baby:(
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
*Not gonna lie
I have had a really shitty last few days:( First I was told that I was pregnant, then I was told that I am going to have an early miscarriage, then I was told that my sisters babies were coming early all in the last 5 days. WOW! Timing is everything isn't it?
You know I think that I would rather hear you are not pregnant instead of you are pregnant, just to have it taken away from you. At least when you get a negative test you have a final answer, and you can move on. When you have a chemical pregnancy you get to deal with the ups and downs, getting your hopes up then having them squashed. The worse part is sitting around waiting to bleed and pass this embryo that I dreamed of holding!
Okay then to pour salt in the wound. You are asked to come back to the doctor so you can do another blood test to make sure that your level is back to zero. So $200.00 for each blood test. Ummmm yes we are sorry but these extra pregnancy tests are not covered by the package that you purchased. So please pay us $400.00 for us to tell you that you are no longer pregnant. That's just cruel!
Today was bitter sweet for me. I drove to the hospital to see my brand new nephew and nieces. The long awaited triplets :) I have waited so long for these babies and I am so happy that they are finally here and doing well. I am so happy for my sister Lanie and my brother in law. But it just kind of hurt to see them come into this world as I am preparing to lose mine. Not the Christmas I had hoped for. My sister and I had planned on getting pregnant together. My sister feels horrible for me, and I don't want to take anything away from her very exciting day so I suck it up and hurt silently. All day I was surrounded by pregnant women checking in, walking the halls in labor and watching baby after baby be wheeled down the hallway. It was excruciating. I held it together, stayed strong and smiled because its very unfair to be selfish on this day.
We went through IVF together she went first assuming that the first try would never take as it often doesn't. I went after hoping to get pregnant. After two failed attempts, I am left with nothing but a broken heart:( Still dreaming of adding to our family but losing hope. Running out of money and patience. How much longer can I possibly keep this up. Not sure I have it in me anymore. Thank God for my Mia because without her I would probably have gone insane by now. Infertility tears you apart piece by piece until you can no longer continue.
You know I think that I would rather hear you are not pregnant instead of you are pregnant, just to have it taken away from you. At least when you get a negative test you have a final answer, and you can move on. When you have a chemical pregnancy you get to deal with the ups and downs, getting your hopes up then having them squashed. The worse part is sitting around waiting to bleed and pass this embryo that I dreamed of holding!
Okay then to pour salt in the wound. You are asked to come back to the doctor so you can do another blood test to make sure that your level is back to zero. So $200.00 for each blood test. Ummmm yes we are sorry but these extra pregnancy tests are not covered by the package that you purchased. So please pay us $400.00 for us to tell you that you are no longer pregnant. That's just cruel!
Today was bitter sweet for me. I drove to the hospital to see my brand new nephew and nieces. The long awaited triplets :) I have waited so long for these babies and I am so happy that they are finally here and doing well. I am so happy for my sister Lanie and my brother in law. But it just kind of hurt to see them come into this world as I am preparing to lose mine. Not the Christmas I had hoped for. My sister and I had planned on getting pregnant together. My sister feels horrible for me, and I don't want to take anything away from her very exciting day so I suck it up and hurt silently. All day I was surrounded by pregnant women checking in, walking the halls in labor and watching baby after baby be wheeled down the hallway. It was excruciating. I held it together, stayed strong and smiled because its very unfair to be selfish on this day.
We went through IVF together she went first assuming that the first try would never take as it often doesn't. I went after hoping to get pregnant. After two failed attempts, I am left with nothing but a broken heart:( Still dreaming of adding to our family but losing hope. Running out of money and patience. How much longer can I possibly keep this up. Not sure I have it in me anymore. Thank God for my Mia because without her I would probably have gone insane by now. Infertility tears you apart piece by piece until you can no longer continue.
Monday, December 12, 2011
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